I am a recovering Good Girl. When I was young I learnt to be quiet when I was told to be, I did all my jobs, I got excellent grades, I didn’t complain, I didn’t get angry and I didn’t break the rules (although I did go on to break a lot of rules – with a lot of attitude – in my developing quest for autonomy.)
That way of operating rolled into my adult years. I was a good girlfriend, a good worker and a good friend. I kept making top grades in my further studies and I strived to do everything ‘right’. It was coupled with rebellion, meaning life did become somewhat polarised. I was playing 2 sides of extremes. Drugs and alcohol were a welcome relaxing relief from the pressures I put on myself to be ‘good’.
I was great at doing everything for everyone. I thrived on the approval of others. It can be an addictive kind of thing when one doesn’t do self-approval.
Over the years my game began to unravel. I pushed addiction, only to realise some damaging repercussions – physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I also experienced burnout a number of times from constant focus outside of myself whilst I did ‘allthethings’.
Here are what I believe the dangers of being a Good Girl are:
How do we break this pattern? It requires some exploration of where this habit/addiction originated. It may need some inner child work, some acceptance of your challenging history, some reparenting, learning about boundaries and some genuine self-love and care. For now, what is resonating? What might you do to change these patterns?
Wishing you self-love – the kind that sits in your cells.
Photo by Caroline Hernandez on Unsplash
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