Do you know the people you have weak boundaries with? I do and I find this information helpful. When we're not aware of this and our boundaries are invaded we're at risk of:
These people are likely to be your family of origin, your partner and closest friends or colleagues. They're in the 'soul mate' category – they are your teachers.
Our boundaries are regularly violated when we're young by adults who have no idea how to respect our bodies, feelings and mind. This creates weak areas within our holographic being. When we're with those very same people or others who our psyche senses are similar we need to be mindful if we're to avoid the kind of things in that list above.
When we know our boundaries aren't intact with particular people we can practise strengthening them. Such self-awareness and an ability to care for ourselves is an evolved psycho/spiritual practise.
This might look like :
Learn to notice discomfort in your body when you're relating. Use that as a gauge to know something isn't right for you. You can then disengage from the interaction (you can do this by calmly saying something like 'I'm not feeling good about this or it isn't feeling right for me to continue this conversation') or you could try changing the subject.
You might notice your inner child wanting to hang in there to get affirmed when the situation isn't actually safe for you on some level.
I still get surprise attacks despite a pretty good awareness of who I need to be mindful with. Not being pulled in to someone else's drama takes skill. It is to easy to defend oneself which usually fuels an argument. People don't listen well when they are in fear of some kind. That includes you as you may be triggered to a similar situation from your history which means you'll be reacting from fear too.
We aren't going to get this right all the time. High levels of self observation are needed with those 'tricky players' in your world. What's most important is that you do your best to not stay locked in unhealthy relating that hurts you or someone else. Weak boundaries can have us getting sick, being addictive, repeating destructive behaviour as well as enabling someone else's unhealthy behaviour.
Healthy boundaries are a life-long work in progress so stay curious and experiment.
wishing you self-awareness
Image by Isaiah Rustad
I've been thinking about listening, even when I'm trying to listen. That's kind of funny to me and maybe you but not so funny for the person talking to me – unless they're one of those types that do lecture-style monologues and become unaware of whether one is listening or not (being heard is an art too). My point is listening takes effort.
I'm sure you're aware of patiently waiting for your turn to say that super important thing that has popped into your mind and doing your best to not lose it whilst missing some of the conversation. Or worse, just barging on in anyway and saying it. I get so frustrated with my beloved when he interrupts. I feel negated, unimportant and sometimes even used. In fact, it probably triggers some older wounds which is a whole other story. I am sure there's also an aspect of myself I am annoyed with, because I too have trouble listening.
Here's an alarming statistic – most of us are distracted or preoccupied about 75% of the time when someone is talking to us and immediately after we only recall about 50% of what was said (and long term it's only 20%!).
Collectively, I believe, we need greater mindfulness, focus and concentration –not just to make us better listeners, but to make us better people.
Here are some benefits to listening:
Benefits to being heard:
Observe yourself, become the witness to what your thoughts are up to when someone is talking to you, gently bring yourself back to the present and practise listening.
Wishing you centred listening
Image by RitaE on Pixabay
I recently had a virus get me. "Get me" -- that's funny but it IS an invasion. Creepy little virus energy sneaking around in my body. I believe they attack us when our boundaries are weak, which mine had been. Too much letting others stuff get to me.
Being unwell stopped my 'shoulds' from taking over which was a good thing and a challenging thing. I danced between overthinking and loving self-care. Now that I'm dressed and working again I want to ponder on who I am now that I'm 5 months into 2019. Am I in alignment with my Higher Self?
You may want to contemplate these things too. It's easy to do what we've always done. We are such habitual creatures. We often forget that we are changing and growing. In fact, we are a new person every single day.
What 'shoulds' are you up to?
Do they actually align with who you are now?
Who are you now that we are 5 months into 2019?
What is new about who you are?
What is still hanging around you getting in the way?
For me – some boundary issues to sort. My inner child gets triggered and if I'm not mindful I can forget I even have a Higher Self.
How about a check-list for you to see if you are in alignment with your own Higher Self?
Is this you:
Feeling tired or drained.
Blaming or judging (It's an unhealthy way of getting power)
You're stuck in habits that don't serve you.
You're over analysing.
You're pushing yourself to do more.
You're feeling frustrated.
Or are you more in this vibe:
You feel on purpose.
You're able to hear your intuition.
You feel happy and sometimes even joyful.
You have a sense of being grounded in your body.
You enjoy what you're doing.
There is ease and flow.
You are not attached to outcomes.
You feel appreciation.
If you're wanting to come into greater alignment with your Higher Self the first thing you need to do is connect to your body. It's from this grounded place that we know what our needs are. It's hard to tune in to self-care stuff like rest, food, sleep, water, how much space we need etc. when we're disconnected from our body. Too much doing and too much thinking will unground you.
It's from a body centred place that we're able to hear our inner knowing. When we're over-thinking there's no room for the quiet voice of intuition. This wise inner counsel will guide you to your next steps.
Are you sad to discover you've been out of alignment for too long? Recovery catch up is needed, some chill time where your mind is free to relax. Play, rest, nature, movement and care will help you realign to yourself. I had a beautiful healing walk on our local beach yesterday. Still water, spacious vibe, sand and sea, dogs playing. Ahhh, coming down into my body. Happiness returning.
Flow and ease comes when we're connected to our Self. Look out for signs of being out of alignment and kindly and gently come back to yourself.
wishing you self-connection
Image by Sestrijevitovschii - ina
Here's what I wrote about Pegasus in my upcoming book: Truth Spirit Love - The Essential Guide to Healing.
"I thought you might be curious as to why Pegasus is on the front cover of this book. I met Pegasus during a profound inner journey I had back in 2014. I found myself on the back of this magnificent creature moving rapidly up through the sky toward massive dark clouds and lightning. I noticed some light-filled sky in the midst of this storm and prayed we'd travel safely there. Before we arrived my vision morphed into a completely different scene and so my Pegasus experience was over. I'd had a moving, exciting and sensual experience.
Afterwards I was keen to research Pegasus. I'd always been fascinated by unicorns yet I had dismissed this great winged stallion as being too fantastical. I was surprised and delighted to learn that in mythology Pegasus did actually fly to where thunder and lightning were released.
He is a symbol of ultimate freedom and supports us to rise above our earthly concerns; to live from the essence of who we truly are. His wings represent the soul's ability to transcend and rise to the heavens.
Pegasus is not only a symbol of transcendence but also of transformation as he ultimately takes the form of a constellation of stars. This powerful symbol reminds us change is a natural and essential aspect of our existence and that the soul is immortal.
All of that makes Pegasus perfect for the cover of this healing guide! May Pegasus inspire and guide you on your journey."
"If you like to do things in a slow and steady way, don't let others make you feel as if you have to race."
I'm reading a book called Quiet by Susan Cain. It's about introverts. It has loads of fascinating research and I recommend it if you're a facts kind of person.There's a few things I want to share from it with you.
Before I do here's a definition of introversion: a personality trait characterised by a focus on internal feelings rather than on external sources of stimulation. Introversion and extroversion actually relate to how we recharge our brains. Extroverts gain energy from being social; they have a lower basic rate of arousal within their brain. Introverts lose energy from being around people for long periods of time; their brains are easily stimulated. This means that extroverts need to work harder to arouse their minds and bodies to the same ‘normal’ state that introverts might reach quite easily.
We are all somewhere on a continuum between the two. Some of us are actually ambiverts – we have a perfect balance of both traits. Introverts sometimes act like an extrovert to cope in the outer world. (it's why I was always picked as an extrovert years back)
I've written about introverts before. It's a subject that has many misunderstandings such as, introverts don't like to talk (they do, they're just not so into small talk) and they always want to be alone (they are happy with their own thoughts but do get lonely when they can't share them with others)
You might want to check in with some typical traits of extroverts and introverts.
Has large social networks
Enjoys being the centre of attention
Tends to think out loud
Makes quick decisions
Gains energy from being around other people
Outgoing, enthusiastic, and positive
Thrives in team-oriented and open work settings
Enjoys spending time in solitude
Doesn't prefer to be the centre of attention
Values close one-on-one relationships
Thinks before they speak/not as talkative
Needs time alone to recharge and reflect
Prefers working in quiet, independent environments
Is deeply focussed and thinks about specific interests
Can be seen as reserved
Susan Cain says –
I found those tips timely and helpful, I hope you do too.
wishing you balance and harmony
Photo by Tanner Boriack on Unsplash
My woolly socks are back in business and fejoas are in my fruit bowl! It's getting cooler here in New Zealand as we settle into Autumn. I am resistant to the initial shift from Summer to Autumn, yet as I get used to the new energy I enjoy the mix of warm sun, crisper air, baths and warming food.
Seasonal changes are a great time for some self-reflection. Make a warming cup of something, get a nice pen and your journal and cosy up for a little writing time.
When you reflect on your experiences of Summer what are you grateful for?
How have you grown on an inner level over the past few months?
What have you accomplished on an outer level?
What are you proud of?
What needs to happen for greater balance in your world?
How do you re-energize yourself?
What are you ready to let go of?
Wishing you interesting and helpful self discoveries.
Photo by Hannah Olinger on Unsplash
"This is global change at work. It truly is awesome in the real sense of that word."
New Zealand recently experienced a devastating and terrifying event in Christchurch that became world news. One person, fuelled by hate, acted out the thoughts and feelings of many which resulted in over one hundred people either dead or injured. Such intense feelings and actions are rooted in fear and ignorance. To heal fear we must love as it is Love that can contain and dissolve fear. Ignorance has it's own timeline. It needs loving and gentle education.
In the aftermath of the nation's shock many people felt deep sadness, grief, anger and fear. We also felt Love. Humanity has a way to go before everyone knows the truth – we are all one. The shift to a greater coming together of all people, I believe, has intensified since this event. People are experiencing their hearts opening and they are realising that truth.
Those amazing people who lost their lives are bringing people who are ready the most wonderful gifts that are still unfolding, and will be for a long, long time. When we grieve our hearts open. This can get us in touch with unhealed issues we are holding within such as our own racism and separation issues. Healing conversations are being had around these life-changing topics .
We are also seeing –
This is global change at work. It truly is awesome in the real sense of that word.
I feel deep gratitude, emotion and awe at what these people, now in spirit, are achieving. I am sending love, often, to those loved one's left behind who are in great pain.
You too can send your love and prayers where you feel drawn to.
Christchurch is hurting.
Children are scared. Adults are scared.
Trauma will be affecting all of those involved – police, ambulance officers, medical staff, witnesses, those passing by, friends and family out of town, the Muslim community world wide and on it goes.
Stay in Love, you really do have the power to change the world if you do.
As I saw today, 'Every act of love and kindness raises the vibration of the entire planet.'
Image by truthseeker08 on Pixabay
Allowing myself deep rest is a classic 'work in progress'. I have a tendency to move from doing things for others to work, jobs, exercise and round again. When I can convince myself I need me time I often find a shoulds list attached. This is an epidemic issue, especially for women.
I was discussing this topic with a wise psychologist recently. My need for rest was high yet my list of work jobs was pressuring my thinking mind. I have a bossy, strong ego around doing. She told me restoration means to restore a connection to one's self. I like that. It's something we habitually avoid. My conditioning is all about staying productive. It's an easy way to get attention and energy. And seeking that from outside one's self is not only unhealthy, it's tiring and unfulfilling.
I know that a balanced authentic life means greater health on every level so I am keen to make deep rest a priority. I love my weekly restorative yoga class. I probably need 7 of them though. Rest must happen regularly.
Here's some benefits of rest:
Schedule your rest time if that works for you. Try telling yourself it's ok to not have any demands on your time. No need to rush, no shoulds. Give yourself permission. You may be drawn to do but it will have a calmer, easier quality.
wishing you deep rest
Image by Amy Treasure
I recently woke up feeling blah. The day before I'd had my weekly coconut milk decaf latte and GF, DF, refined sugar-free muffin for breakfast. At lunch I had refined carbs. Later on I sipped a glass of wine while I cooked our dinner.
It doesn't sound too bad, yet being a sensitive type, it was. The coconut sugar in the muffin and the slight caffeine in the decaf had me ungrounded and angsty for a few hours. The lunch carbs had me tired in the afternoon and the glass of sav had me awake in the night a few times with a pale fog in the morning to top it off.
That whole day I was somewhat ahead of myself. It's one of those sayings that really means ungrounded, i.e., I wasn't fully present in my body. When that happens I'm not in touch with my feelings, needs or inner knowing. My actions and reactions are not from a solid, authentic place. They come from habit, conditioning and often with a fear mentality.
As you can imagine that meant numerous unhelpful outcomes. For me it looked like busyness when I needed rest, blame as I avoided my feelings, work when I needed play and looking for things outside of myself to help me feel better.
It felt like I was a long way from authentic presence. It doesn't make for a high vibe me either! Here's two helpful questions to ponder or journal.
What expands me?
What contracts me?
Knowing the answers to these questions AND making choices that are pro expansion will support you to feel bigger, wiser, more intuitive, happier and, you'll have more energy too.
Wishing you expansion!
Photo by Ana J on Pixabay
I believe we all have varying degrees of trauma. There are no perfect childhoods. Our care givers did things the only way they knew how to at the time. Their actions were based on their own history. Being human means we make mistakes and can operate unconsciously from ego, fear and conditioning. As adults our intellect can make sense of that yet understanding trauma does not heal it.
The spiritual truth that we create our lives to learn the lessons we are drawn to work on doesn't heal trauma either. It too helps us understand yet fear and deep emotion are still trapped in our physical cells causing us an array of issues.
The way we internalise events varies depending on our sensitivities and circumstances. The bottles of paint I accidentally knocked down creating a major colourful mess while helping a teacher when I was 7 is not what many would perceive as traumatic yet I was overwhelmed with emotion I didn't know how to cope with. Those less sensitive or more emotionally intelligent may have laughed and rolled with it. That experience certainly wasn't life threatening like other traumatic situations I was involved in yet it did bring about some internalised shame.
Trauma has been defined as the result of an overwhelming amount of stress that exceeds one's ability to cope, or integrate the emotions involved with that experience. I have been working on deactivating my own wound up, deeply buried inner turmoil for many years so I have come to know the nature of trauma well.
Lately I've noticed that others are having spontaneous trauma memories appearing. It seems we are collectively ready to handle the truth of our past so we can make peace with it for a healthier, happier life.
Unhealed trauma creates –
There's more I could add to that list but you get the idea. Trauma is affecting our lives adversely and stopping us from living to our full potential.
Here's what needs to happen for healing to come about –
Trust what is occurring. Don't be annoyed that there is more to heal. Healing is a long, long journey. It isn't a few workshops and sessions, nor is it one big purge and it's all done. We have a lot to make peace with. Go gently and kindly. Life is a play; the game gets easier as we make room for more light in our body. Be brave and loving.
Wishing you gentleness on your healing journey
Image by Alexas_Fotos on Pixabay
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