Do you know the people you have weak boundaries with? I do and I find this information helpful. When we're not aware of this and our boundaries are invaded we're at risk of:
These people are likely to be your family of origin, your partner and closest friends or colleagues. They're in the 'soul mate' category – they are your teachers.
Our boundaries are regularly violated when we're young by adults who have no idea how to respect our bodies, feelings and mind. This creates weak areas within our holographic being. When we're with those very same people or others who our psyche senses are similar we need to be mindful if we're to avoid the kind of things in that list above.
When we know our boundaries aren't intact with particular people we can practise strengthening them. Such self-awareness and an ability to care for ourselves is an evolved psycho/spiritual practise.
This might look like :
Learn to notice discomfort in your body when you're relating. Use that as a gauge to know something isn't right for you. You can then disengage from the interaction (you can do this by calmly saying something like 'I'm not feeling good about this or it isn't feeling right for me to continue this conversation') or you could try changing the subject.
You might notice your inner child wanting to hang in there to get affirmed when the situation isn't actually safe for you on some level.
I still get surprise attacks despite a pretty good awareness of who I need to be mindful with. Not being pulled in to someone else's drama takes skill. It is to easy to defend oneself which usually fuels an argument. People don't listen well when they are in fear of some kind. That includes you as you may be triggered to a similar situation from your history which means you'll be reacting from fear too.
We aren't going to get this right all the time. High levels of self observation are needed with those 'tricky players' in your world. What's most important is that you do your best to not stay locked in unhealthy relating that hurts you or someone else. Weak boundaries can have us getting sick, being addictive, repeating destructive behaviour as well as enabling someone else's unhealthy behaviour.
Healthy boundaries are a life-long work in progress so stay curious and experiment.
wishing you self-awareness
Image by Isaiah Rustad
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