Sex with Benefits

Here’s a sex reminder – it’s good for you.

I’m sure you have your own list of why that is – or even a list of why it isn’t, which I would totally empathise with – sex wasn’t always good for me either.
I’ll tell you why it wasn’t, then I’ll tell why it is.

I’ve had a colourful sex life that began way too young. I might share more about that another time – for the purpose of healing, as always. And in this case, I’m imagining, some bonus entertainment.

Sex wasn’t always good for me in the past for these reasons:

• I used it as a way to avoid painful feelings – the high of sexual conquest gave me some pseudo power and the illusion I was a sex goddess (which I may well be anyway – insert a serious face emoji and a crying with laughter one.) This high was always short-lived so I needed other ‘fixes’ to keep that pain down. Enter alcohol, drugs, eating, work and shopping – all things that brought other concerning issues.

 

• I had sex confused with love which resulted in many despairing scenarios.

 

•  I didn’t know how to say no without feeling distraught at upsetting someone else, or losing what I thought was love (it was really attention, or energy – same thing) so I allowed myself to be hurt during sex. Hurt emotionally, mentally and physically. Probably spiritually too, as that sort of behaviour is soul destroying.

 

•  I was overly focussed on others pleasure thereby missing out on learning more about how my own body was feeling – this equates to being ungrounded.I was not conscious of any of that however, so I thought sex was good (and a lot of the time it actually was fun, experimental and adventurous despite being heavily laced with the above points)

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Now that I am decades older with years of therapeutic and self-healing under my belt (yep, extensive healing in those lower 3 chakras) as well as being in a long-term committed partnership I am pleased to say I have come a very long way from those days that began in my teens and waned through my thirties.

Here’s why sex (the conscious kind) is good for you:

• It is healing. Sex can, and does, trigger old sexual wounds (think physical, emotional or mental) stored in our body tissue. If you feel safe to be psychologically vulnerable (I really hope you do) and you stay present, you can release long-stored sexual grief, sadness, anger and shame – by feeling the emotion. It’s ok for some sex to be the crying kind.

 

• You get to play and have fun, that’s if you’re in the mood for that flavour of sex (there are many varieties of sexual ‘moods’ that are worth honouring).

 

• Loving touch creates feelings of safety and trust.

 

• Feel good endorphins as well as the ‘love hormone’ oxytocin are released – this means warm fuzzys afterwards that make you feel deliciously connected to your partner.

 

• You get to enjoy the buzzy high from the dopamine that floods your brain during orgasm. A bit of euphoria can be a spiritual experience.

 

• You get connected with your body. We spend so much time in our busy minds. Sex will ground you.

 

• Health benefits! Think lowered blood pressure, headache relief, boosts to your immune system, pain decreasing, heart attack risk being lowered, sleep improving and your stress being relieved.

I know in a busy life there doesn’t always seem to be the time for all sorts of things that are good for us. I think we must prioritise sex. It’s a human need that is good for us in so many wonderful ways. Go forth and have fun! Or lots of tears, or something else that feels just right in a sexual kind of way.

Ps. You don’t even need a partner to receive a lot of these benefits. Just be loving, kind and connected to yourself and stay with any psychological issues that come forward for healing (it’s common to have wounds around self-pleasure.)

Wishing you luscious love

with light
Dawn
 
Photo by Vidar Nordli-Mathisen on Unsplash