Familiar with any of these scenarios?
You say yes because it's easier than saying no.
You begrudgingly do things for others that you really don't want to do.
Someone is shouting at you, you're feeling confused and somewhat 'out of it' as you attempt to understand them.
You keep trying to be heard despite the other saying they can't listen anymore.
These are all indications that your boundaries need some work. Don't worry though, we all have varying degrees of boundary issues due to the modelling we've seen and the way others invaded our bodies, minds or spirit when we were children.
If you have healthy boundaries other peoples words, emotions and energy will not affect you in a way that is harmful or tiring. If you continue to let people hurt or drain you your wellness is compromised.
Boundaries are actually invisible and symbolic 'fences' that protect us from being hurt, or hurting others, physically or psychologically. They also give us a way to
embody our sense of who we are.
Our external boundary allows us to choose our distance from other people and enables us to give or refuse permission for them to touch us.
Our internal boundary protects our thinking, feelings, and behaviour and keeps them functional.
The following boundary statements are helpful to remember.
What other people say and do is more about them and their history than it is about you.
What you say and do is more about you and your history than it is about the other.
Boundaries are something we need to work on our whole lives. It becomes increasingly easier with maturity, practise and healthy self esteem.
Self esteem rises as you integrate unconscious aspects of yourself, make peace with your history, consciously practise loving behaviour towards yourself as well as have compassion for the wounded child within.
I believe boundaries are the answer to the majority of relationship issues we have.
Here's some steps to practise -
Take the time to hear your inner voice about what is and isn't ok for you.
Practise communicating your truth in a healthy way.
If others reactions are too much for you, work a boundary and move yourself away from them.
Listen when someone clearly states they need space.
Prepare yourself energetically before interacting with someone you know can be invasive. If it doesn't feel good change the subject or graciously end the interaction.
Practise honoring your own needs.
wishing you clear and loving boundaries
Image by Rihaij on Pixabay
I recently returned home from a week away teaching past life regression in the North Island. It was a full week of travelling, teaching and planning. There were also three different beds, which is a thing as I feel the vibes of others and I can find that distracting. Pre trip was busy prepping (and attempting a non stress packing experience.)
I find it energising and inspiring to be in a big city. Living in a small town that is tucked into the top corner of the South Island of New Zealand, I often feel the urge to get out into the world. I have an interesting relationship with travel. I crave it, stress about it, delight in it, get annoyed with it and know there is a lot more of it coming for me. Once upon a time I was a flight attendant for 9 years, so it also feels strangely comfortable, although I don't enjoy flying anymore.
I have decided travel needs re-entry integration time. I arrived home and got back to work. It's a busy time in my solo entrepreneurial world - I'm getting my first book ready for publication as well as changing the way I work, I am keen to complete a long list of to dos.
During my morning yoga and spiritual practice I have been reminded by my inspiring yoga teacher to check in with myself to see how I'm doing physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually so as to know (or be guided) to what yoga or movement I'm needing. I find it helpful to remember and sense these layers of my being, I encourage you to try it.
All you need to do is sit quietly, close your eyes and become aware of your body. How is it feeling? What do you sense it needs? Now be aware of your emotion/feeling self. What feelings are there? Be with your mental body now, how is the quality of your thinking? Then take your awareness to your spiritual self. Can you sense that higher, more refined part of you? What does your spirit need?
I've discovered I need some pause, reflection, integration and down time. It is so easy for us to run with what the mind thinks is the most important thing to do or think. Our body, emotions and spirit have intelligence too that is easy to miss. When I prioritise an inner check in I can connect with this wisdom.
So, mind, I will give you a time limit for thinky, worky kind of stuff and then you can enjoy a book in the hammock. Body, you can deeply relax and emotions you can feel all you want because my mind wont be in charge. I feel happiness rising already!
wishing you connection to all of yourself
I was listening to a podcast yesterday, the host was discussing the reason she was making it her last show. The regular gig of continually recording batches of episodes was feeling like an effort that was deenergising her. Despite loving her work she wasn't feeling in alignment with this particular aspect of it anymore.
It got me thinking about what it takes to stay in alignment with one's self, especially when we are running our own businesses. It's certainly easy to do 'shoulds', based on the norm or what others are doing.
Staying true to our self can be a challenge, especially when we have instant access to those that we think are more successful than us. Comparisonitis only makes us feel bad for not being or doing more. It has nothing to do with alignment.
I am good at being productive and getting the task done, I can easily push myself through difficult jobs and keep going. In fact, in the past I've been surprised to find myself burnt out a few times. Months of physical, emotional, mental and spiritual recovery is an interesting learning experience. Now that I know all about that I'd much rather do alignment than burn out. It would save money, time, adrenal fatigue, numerous emotions and mental processing. Maybe you resonate?
Here's some handy symptoms to help you know where you're at.
You're Out of Alignment if :
Feeling tired or drained.
Blaming or judging (It's an unhealthy way of getting power)
You're stuck in habits that don't serve you.
You're over analysing.
You're pushing yourself to do more.
You're feeling frustrated.
You're in Alignment when:
You feel on purpose.
You're able to hear your intuition.
You feel happy and sometimes even joyful.
You have a sense of being grounded in your body.
You enjoy what you're doing.
There is ease and flow.
You are not attached to outcomes.
You feel appreciation.
When we're in the process of coming into alignment the first thing we need to do is connect to our body. It's from this grounded place that we know what our needs are. Rest, food or care of some sort is hard to know when we're disconnected due to too much doing or thinking.
It's from a body centred place that we're able to hear our inner knowing. When we're over thinking there's no room for the quiet voice of intuition. This wise inner counsel will guide us to our next steps.
We may feel sad when we realise we've been out of alignment for too long. Recovery catch up is needed, some chill time where our mind is free to relax. Play, rest, nature, movement and care will help us realign to self.
There really is no rush. Flow and ease comes from our natural aligned state. Look out for signs of being out of alignment and kindly come back to yourself.
It's a beautiful way to live.
wishing you alignment
Image by Becca Tapert
I’m currently in transition from the natural world to the modern world. This is due to returning home from 4 days in a magical healing place, The Bach.
In the 1950s my uncles built this bach near Taupo Point, Wainui in Golden Bay. When the land was claimed by The Abel Tasman National Park they were given a lifetime ownership, meaning when they died the bach would need to be dismantled. We are blessed that Uncle Jack, now the sole owner at 92 is still a vibrant, active man.
I have been staying at this special place since I was a kid. It’s a 30 min walk in at low tide with a full backpack. All our food comes too as getting back out isn’t easy. (At high tide leaving would involve going over a goat track on a steep hill and doing some swimming.) There’s some careful rock climbing to do which isn’t too hard if the tide is out and it’s not windy. (Although I have fallen twice which does hurt on those sharp rocks.)
It’s a triumphant feeling to arrive and get that backpack off. We’ve made it! We make our beds up, unpack our food then wheel the trolley down to the waterfall to fill our container. I hang up my hammock, boil the kettle and chase the weka out of the bach.
Day 1 is usually a somewhat challenging transition. The bach has holes, a long drop toilet and sometimes rats as well as no power. (There are gas bottles) The comforts of home we take for granted are suddenly missed. On this trip we left our boys allergy eye drops in the car so off we went back to the carpark only just making it back around the rocks before the tide was too high.
I had an angry, crying meltdown when I learnt my reading glasses were left in the car on trip 2. “How can I do Anything??!” My dear partner went over the hill for a 2nd walk out and a 3rd walk in.
These challenges are actually secret trials to bring emotion to the surface, for greater self-discovery and healing. I learnt I was way more wound up than I thought I was. I’d been multi-tasking to the max in full future focused work mode the days leading up to the trip. My outburst was a release of pent up stress. My partner was able to process some issues of his own on his hour solo walk. The magic was beginning. My dear boy then realised he’d left his book at home (a bach nightmare) He was able to do his processing around this new found ‘lack of’. Luckily my sister was dropping in the next day and could do a delivery.
When we sat down for a Thai red curry chicken on the beach later that day we all breathed out, unwinding was starting to happen. The unfolding days were spent doing yoga on the beach, collecting shells, playing Yahtzee on the lawn, looking for stingray, finding crabs and starfish, playing Frisbee and reading in the hammock. We kayaked, drew pictures and cooked up yummy food. At night we played Yahtzee by candle light and cosied in bed with our books. Our modern life was now 2nd best, our simple bach life was nurturing, healing and just perfect. We didn’t want to go home.
And now we are home. There were lights, cats that had missed us, hot water (which we loved) internet and too many rooms. I found it all quite intense. I couldn’t hear the waves crashing at night. I cried for the simple life. Day 1 at home was 130 emails, 4 loads of washing, food gathering and multiple adjustments at the chiropractor (how symbolic!) I couldn’t focus with so many things demanding my attention. I felt frustrated and tired. I realised this is my ‘normal’ life. I was craving to lie on the beach again with my book, so I gave up trying to do so much, sat in the sun and looked at my photos which helped. That night we lit a candle and played Yahtzee which helped too.
Today I have prayed for support to not over fill my life, to not get caught up in the pressures of modern life and to remember there is a beautiful natural world outside my door. I pray to not rush, to breathe more and to enjoy the simple things. I know this natural way is easier at the bach and I know, with practise and mindfulness, I can bring that vibe home, at least more often than I had been.
Wishing you many natural simple joys,
The peace of being alone calls me often. I am a mother to a 12 yo boy who is life learning (meaning no school), I have a partner who loves being home, I see clients, I teach and I work on social media. I go to the supermarket too many times, run car loads of boys to random places and lately I've been visiting the panel beater regularly (for weeks) chasing up an insurance claim. I seem to always be talking to receptionists and telephone 'support' people. My numerous healers are also in the mix. After a friendly catch up my hairdresser knows the drill, Dawn needs some quiet time.
I guess your life is similar. When do we get to be alone? Like really alone, the no checking the phone and making calls kind of alone. Taking time to be with yourself with no one else to engage with can be a powerful healing experience.
Being alone brings you freedom to drop your social persona. There's no one to judge you, no one to impress and no one to aspire to. You can think for yourself without being swayed by others opinions, you can reflect, dream, breathe and come back to yourself.
It's been proven that being alone allows you to develop greater empathy for others, increase your productivity, spark creativity, improve concentration, make plans for your life, increase your happiness and reduce stress and depression. Children also need this powerful healing time.
Alone time is necessary for total wellbeing. I remember hearing once from a wise teacher that everyone needs at least an hour alone every day. How about fitting some solo time into your days and weeks, even if you need to schedule it. Getting up earlier, leaving social media turned off, avoiding email and phone calls sometimes and scheduling time just for you will bring you more of all that good stuff.
You'll reset your system and feel happier. Every time I prioritise this I see immediate benefits. Make time for to hang out with the most important person you know - you.
wishing you peaceful you time
Photo by Frank McKenna
Are there rumblings of change in your world? Do you sense a new life subtlety (or loudly!) calling you? Are you listening or are you using distractions to maintain the way you're used to it being? After all, change will have us humans confronted with an unknown future and our egos sure don't like uncertainty.
We can use staying busy, working, doing shoulds (there's a few of mine for starters!) and all number of things to deny our inner knowing calling us forward. We eat, care take others and keep looking backwards rather than allowing ourselves to step into a new way of being internally and externally.
Being in unfamiliar territory means relinquishing control of the future. As humans surrender is not something that comes easily. It takes some life experience to know that resisting and ignoring change takes us on a bumpy path that may be filled with pain, emotional discomfort, blah feelings, a tiredness of life, clashes and bangs and feelings of disconnection.
I sense a collective energy that is drawing us to come forward out of all that no longer serves us.
Will you give yourself some still moments to hear what your inner voice is drawing you towards?
What do you need to release that no longer serves you?
Would you consider surrender, trust and faith?
To be in those three big energies you need to know there is a greater force at play. You have a spirit in this human body that is part of All That Is or Universal Intelligence. When you truly know that letting yourself go forward into the unknown becomes easier.
When you run your life from ego you think everything is up to you, that you are in control and you need certainty. Nothing in life is certain. Chaos will happen, it's all part of growing and evolving.
Listen to the call of change and allow yourself to let go of the past, you are being called to bring new aspects of yourself forward, to evolve! And that is a wonderful thing. Your spirit is wise and will not let you down. The Universe has your back.
wishing you courage and bravery
Photo by Ye Fung Tchen
Sometimes I feel disconnected spiritually. It happens when I rush my morning practice because of 'things to do'. It happens when I don't get up early enough to journal and greet the day with grace. It happens when I'm projecting my issues onto someone else, when I'm trying to control the future and when I forget to give thanks.
The people who come to work with me are often disconnected spiritually too. They may feel lost, lacking clarity and unable to see the way forward. I support them to come back to their inner knowing as well as to be connected to their spiritual self. This often means arriving in the body for starters. Being grounded is not as common a practise as it needs to be for our well being. I'll write more about that another time. Recovering our spirit/energy/power from the myriad of places we have projected it, understanding why that is and becoming present can take some time.
Once we're in our body we can connect with how we are actually feeling rather than getting into stories with our thoughts about our problems and why they are there. That kind of thinking is a distraction from emotions that want to emerge so we can heal and feel lighter.
When we are aware of how we are doing physically, emotionally and mentally it becomes easier to connect to our spiritual being from a place of awareness.
Feeling disconnected spiritually can look like despair, depression, questioning your self worth, loneliness, emptiness and a lack of meaning in your life. These are signs that your spirit needs some attention, that it's calling, "Be with me, attend to me."
The challenge for each of us is to recognise what we use as an excuse for not setting aside the time to connect on this level. For some it is health, for others time, family commitments or not enough money driving us to keep on pushing.
When we deny our spirit we deny our essential nature. This soul aspect of our being would love to speak to us in cherished moments but because we have become conditioned to think and do it speaks to us through pain, suffering, struggle and fear instead.
Your greatest source of pain comes from denying your spiritual nature. It is important to create a sacred space and make room for this connection. Become aware of your spirit's needs. Ask, what do you need from me? What do you need to share with me? You may need to sit quietly by yourself and journal, or let images and impressions come.
Restore your spirit by feeding it with imagination, passion, beauty, creativity and harmony. Have beautiful things around you. Listen to music. Pray. Journal your gratitude. Meditate. Read spiritual texts. Enjoy nature. Be alone in peace. Connect with animals. You instinctively know what your spirit needs. What is coming to you now as you consider that?
Know the signs that you are disconnected and enjoy the full hearted feeling of reconnecting to your Spirit and coming home to your essential nature.
wishing you many centred spirit moments
Photo by Jonas Vincent
This blog is for those of you who are into doing too much. You probably like to do all of your stuff at the same time too. No surprises that I'm doing that right now, I have just checked my email and the clock which prompted a phone call. Now that's sorted I promise myself I will stay fully present here with you, and with myself. Ah, the pull to do and do is a habit that doesn't really serve us in the long run. Multi tasking is a breeze for us girlies yet we often miss the power that comes from being fully present.
Recently I noticed anxiety happening hours into doing some planning. A wise friend dropped by and noticed I was attempting to organise way too many ideas all at once. I had been deep in multi task mode, making calls, shuffling paper, brainstorming and list making all at once. Her suggestion to diary all these things and work on only 1 at a time was gold wisdom to my frazzled self. Relief! She broke my spell of looking out rather than in.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Doing too much, the kind of too much that brings anxiety, overwhelm, exhaustion (ever had burn out?) headaches, high blood pressure, accidents and forgetfulness can be the result of wanting to be seen for what you accomplish rather than who you are.
This comes from a lack of belief in the truth that you are loveable and wonderful simply for being yourself. Sadly that isn't what most of us were taught. Praise often came for what we did, you would've heard 'good girl' before, right? These messages can be hard wired. They require our aware self to challenge them.
If you're a visionary type there can be a sense of needing to rush to catch up to that vision. This too needs mindfulness. One thing at a time done well will get you there in a more solid way than having your energy scattered.
Here's some points that may help you.
1. Stay connected to your body. Check in now and then. Breathe. Come within for a moment. How are you feeling? Anxiety, overwhelm and even frustration are signs that something is amiss. What needs to change for greater flow and ease?
2. Ground. It can be the most powerful technique to realign yourself. Step outside. Look at a tree, a flower, a bird. Breathe again. Feel the earth.
3. If there actually is a lot to do get out your diary and schedule. One thing at a time.
4. Remind yourself you don't need to prove anything, that's your inner child talking. Imagine bringing her in close and let her know you see her and you love her exactly as she is. If that is hard to do that's a place you need to do some more exploration.
Your job is to be true to yourself, to follow your inner knowing on what you need to do.
5. Delegate where you can. Simplify. It doesn't have to all be up to you.
6. Remember no rush, Divine timing is at play. Just follow your intuition. It's your path, no one else's, despite the lure of what everyone else is achieving.
7. Remember the truth you are perfect just as you. (Which includes all of the flaws of being human.)
We don't want accidents and health issues to be what slows us down to be present. (Or maybe we do? It's all good learning after all) Taking the time to come within and notice what is going on for us can give us a head start on self care.
The journey of returning home to your self is hidden within such things as doing too much.
Wishing you self awareness and ease of doing.
Photo by Matheus Frade
I feel others feelings, I'm easily over stimulated and I like a lot of alone time. I also easily read others, don't like bright lights and can be bothered by noise. I am a highly sensitive person. I'm also an empath. Do you relate to some of this?
Empaths have the ability to perceive the physical, emotional or mental state of other people and animals. This is different to having empathy which means imagining what it might be like for someone else. (which is a great trait to develop!) Empaths literally feel what the other is experiencing. They can also perceive the energy of the natural world.
All empaths are highly sensitive, however, not all HSPs are empaths. Elaine Aaron, author of The Highly Sensitive person says that 20 % of people are highly sensitive. Here's some traits of HSPs and empaths.
Have high sensory awareness.
Feel emotions deeply.
Tend to take things personally.
Notice subtleties and details.
Are sensitive to noise, light and other stimuli.
Can be anxious socially.
Have a sensitive nervous system.
Become over stimulated easily.
Can easily become overwhelmed.
Tend to avoid violent movies.
May feel time pressures keenly.
Need lots of alone time.
Pause before acting.
Tend towards being intellectually gifted.
Are attuned to subtle energy.
70% are introverts.
Feel the pain of others.
Pick up on other's feelings.
Feel calm on their own.
Can't concentrate when others are around.
Can "read" people's energy.
Have trouble watching shows that are disturbing.
Astrologically often have water signs in sensitive placements.
Can be challenged to separate themselves from other people’s emotions.
Have trouble recognising their own feelings.
Can be targets for energy vampires.
Are exhausted by negativity.
Are highly sensitive.
Tend towards introversion.
Are highly intuitive.
Feel revived by nature.
Are sensitive to noise, smells and too much talking.
Can absorb stressful feelings triggering panic attacks, addictions, depression and fatigue.
Here's some tips for how to care for yourself.
Sensitivity is a blessing when it's used in loving service. When you learn about your inherent nature and honour your needs you will find your life is easier and you will feel calmer and happier.
wishing you loving kindness
Judith Orloff. The Empath's Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People
Elaine Aaron. The Highly Sensitive Person.
I went crazy the other night. I was angry, blaming in a sweary loud kind of way, crying, victimy and ashamedly apologetic via letters because I felt too crazy to talk. It was all rather confusing and funny in hindsight. I have a compelling habit of trying to understand my emotions rather than feel them. This doesn't make for easy shifts. My deep feelings were trying to push past my intellect and I was resisting.
The sliver of Aware Self that knew I was avoiding my own pain finally sat me still to stop me externalising and let me just feel. I cried and cried without knowing why that was happening. I had a good rest and woke up to a day of recovery for myself which included long walks, deep, restoring yoga and lunch with a wise friend. A shift had happened once the resistance stopped. Insights arrived without any intellectual striving. The big kind of self change was underway.
This kind of craziness is a symptom of the eclipse season that we're currently in. Astrologically they bring the unexpected. Surprises, drama and shake ups occur. Their job is get us to pay attention to areas of our life that need to change. When we're not following our intuition our Higher Self will get us on track in a rapid eclipsy kind of way. It's like The Tower in Tarot, same kind of vibe.
Have you been going crazy too? Self compassion is the healer. Don't resist what wants to shift! Feel and feel without asking why then be your own best mother. If you've had random shake ups or shocks practise self kindness too. I had a car accident this week, I 've just learnt the insurance company have decided it's too much damage to justify fixing. It's an eclipse kind of event that will bring change in it's own way.
How does self compassion and caring for yourself look like to you? After my crazy attack being kind to myself looked like this - taking responsibility and apologising, wrapping myself in cosiness with a hotty and tea, putting myself to bed, getting into nature, a yogic breath practise and some prayer. After doing shock for a few days post car accident self care was letting myself cry and taking a day off work to reconnect to my body again.
Be kind. Don't try to push through. Relax. Feel. Know there's a Higher Purpose at play, you're being guided to evolve and that's exciting.
wishing you loving kindness while the big kind of change is in play
Photo by Marina Khrapov on Unsplash.