Here’s a sex reminder – it’s good for you.
I’m sure you have your own list of why that is – or even a list of why it isn’t, which I would totally empathise with – sex wasn’t always good for me either.
I’ll tell you why it wasn’t, then I’ll tell why it is.
I’ve had a colourful sex life that began way too young. I might share more about that another time – for the purpose of healing, as always. And in this case, I’m imagining, some bonus entertainment.
Sex wasn’t always good for me in the past for these reasons:
Now that I am decades older with years of therapeutic and self-healing under my belt (yep, extensive healing in those lower 3 chakras) as well as being in a long-term committed partnership I am pleased to say I have come a very long way from those days that began in my teens and waned through my thirties.
Here’s why sex (the conscious kind) is good for you:
I know in a busy life there doesn’t always seem to be the time for all sorts of things that are good for us. I think we must prioritise sex. It’s a human need that is good for us in so many wonderful ways. Go forth and have fun! Or lots of tears, or something else that feels just right in a sexual kind of way.
Ps. You don’t even need a partner to receive a lot of these benefits. Just be loving, kind and connected to yourself and stay with any psychological issues that come forward for healing (it’s common to have wounds around self-pleasure.)
Wishing you luscious love
Photo by Vidar Nordli-Mathisen on Unsplash
Knowing what we are feeling has the power to change our lives in wonderful ways. When we can stay present with an emotion by breathing into it a number of things can occur:
1. It has an opportunity to move. Emotion is energy that is too often trapped in our bodies because of our lack of experience in knowing and trusting that expressing emotion in a safe way is healing. When it is stuck in our body it creates density where life-force energy doesn’t flow. Over time this creates minor and major physical issues within our body. It can also bring about depression (an over-thinking dis-ease) blame, being addictive, judging others, self-harm and anxiety.
2. We may get images or impressions of a past event where that emotion originated. This shows us what we have not yet made peace with. I see this as precious information that allows us to know more about ourselves, as well as human nature. It can be an in road into a healing journey.
3. The emotion we are feeling may dissolve as it moves, allowing us to access a ‘hidden’ emotion – that which is underneath the surface feeling. For instance – I know that when I sit with my anger it can quickly shift as I access the more vulnerable feeling of sadness.
4. The emotion will often dissolve completely as we stay with it.
5. We connect with our authentic self.
It sounds simple to stay still and breathe into an emotion yet it’s not what the majority of people are doing. It’s much more common to stay with our thoughts rather than feel our feelings. Generally speaking, this is what we were taught to do. Our intellect was praised and our emotions were frowned upon. When I ask someone how they’re feeling I usually hear what they’re thinking – even with supposed self-aware people. I too can struggle to know what I’m feeling.
Even without taking the time to be present and breathe into our emotions we can be with simply knowing what we feel. This, in itself, can often settle us down into our body – away from our busy mind. From a place of knowing what we are feeling we can then make choices about how we care for ourselves. When we access our internal mother, we are practising self-love – a highly healing act.
Take the time to stop thinking so much and breathe into where you notice uncomfortable feelings – they are often your emotions wanting to be released. See if you cane name them. Be present and notice what happens.
Wishing you emotional intelligence.
Image by Sharon McCutcheon
My woolly socks are back in business and fejoas are in my fruit bowl! It's getting cooler here in New Zealand as we settle into Autumn. I am resistant to the initial shift from Summer to Autumn, yet as I get used to the new energy I enjoy the mix of warm sun, crisper air, baths and warming food.
Seasonal changes are a great time for some self-reflection. Make a warming cup of something, get a nice pen and your journal and cosy up for a little writing time.
When you reflect on your experiences of Summer what are you grateful for?
How have you grown on an inner level over the past few months?
What have you accomplished on an outer level?
What are you proud of?
What needs to happen for greater balance in your world?
How do you re-energize yourself?
What are you ready to let go of?
Wishing you interesting and helpful self discoveries.
Photo by Hannah Olinger on Unsplash
I recently woke up feeling blah. The day before I'd had my weekly coconut milk decaf latte and GF, DF, refined sugar-free muffin for breakfast. At lunch I had refined carbs. Later on I sipped a glass of wine while I cooked our dinner.
It doesn't sound too bad, yet being a sensitive type, it was. The coconut sugar in the muffin and the slight caffeine in the decaf had me ungrounded and angsty for a few hours. The lunch carbs had me tired in the afternoon and the glass of sav had me awake in the night a few times with a pale fog in the morning to top it off.
That whole day I was somewhat ahead of myself. It's one of those sayings that really means ungrounded, i.e., I wasn't fully present in my body. When that happens I'm not in touch with my feelings, needs or inner knowing. My actions and reactions are not from a solid, authentic place. They come from habit, conditioning and often with a fear mentality.
As you can imagine that meant numerous unhelpful outcomes. For me it looked like busyness when I needed rest, blame as I avoided my feelings, work when I needed play and looking for things outside of myself to help me feel better.
It felt like I was a long way from authentic presence. It doesn't make for a high vibe me either! Here's two helpful questions to ponder or journal.
What expands me?
What contracts me?
Knowing the answers to these questions AND making choices that are pro expansion will support you to feel bigger, wiser, more intuitive, happier and, you'll have more energy too.
Wishing you expansion!
Photo by Ana J on Pixabay
Familiar with any of these scenarios?
You say yes because it's easier than saying no.
You begrudgingly do things for others that you really don't want to do.
Someone is shouting at you, you're feeling confused and somewhat 'out of it' as you attempt to understand them.
You keep trying to be heard despite the other saying they can't listen anymore.
These are all indications that your boundaries need some work. Don't worry though, we all have varying degrees of boundary issues due to the modelling we've seen and the way others invaded our bodies, minds or spirit when we were children.
If you have healthy boundaries other peoples words, emotions and energy will not affect you in a way that is harmful or tiring. If you continue to let people hurt or drain you your wellness is compromised.
Boundaries are actually invisible and symbolic 'fences' that protect us from being hurt, or hurting others, physically or psychologically. They also give us a way to
embody our sense of who we are.
Our external boundary allows us to choose our distance from other people and enables us to give or refuse permission for them to touch us.
Our internal boundary protects our thinking, feelings, and behaviour and keeps them functional.
The following boundary statements are helpful to remember.
What other people say and do is more about them and their history than it is about you.
What you say and do is more about you and your history than it is about the other.
Boundaries are something we need to work on our whole lives. It becomes increasingly easier with maturity, practise and healthy self esteem.
Self esteem rises as you integrate unconscious aspects of yourself, make peace with your history, consciously practise loving behaviour towards yourself as well as have compassion for the wounded child within.
I believe boundaries are the answer to the majority of relationship issues we have.
Here's some steps to practise -
Take the time to hear your inner voice about what is and isn't ok for you.
Practise communicating your truth in a healthy way.
If others reactions are too much for you, work a boundary and move yourself away from them.
Listen when someone clearly states they need space.
Prepare yourself energetically before interacting with someone you know can be invasive. If it doesn't feel good change the subject or graciously end the interaction.
Practise honoring your own needs.
wishing you clear and loving boundaries
Image by Rihaij on Pixabay
I recently returned home from a week away teaching past life regression in the North Island. It was a full week of travelling, teaching and planning. There were also three different beds, which is a thing as I feel the vibes of others and I can find that distracting. Pre trip was busy prepping (and attempting a non stress packing experience.)
I find it energising and inspiring to be in a big city. Living in a small town that is tucked into the top corner of the South Island of New Zealand, I often feel the urge to get out into the world. I have an interesting relationship with travel. I crave it, stress about it, delight in it, get annoyed with it and know there is a lot more of it coming for me. Once upon a time I was a flight attendant for 9 years, so it also feels strangely comfortable, although I don't enjoy flying anymore.
I have decided travel needs re-entry integration time. I arrived home and got back to work. It's a busy time in my solo entrepreneurial world - I'm getting my first book ready for publication as well as changing the way I work, I am keen to complete a long list of to dos.
During my morning yoga and spiritual practice I have been reminded by my inspiring yoga teacher to check in with myself to see how I'm doing physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually so as to know (or be guided) to what yoga or movement I'm needing. I find it helpful to remember and sense these layers of my being, I encourage you to try it.
All you need to do is sit quietly, close your eyes and become aware of your body. How is it feeling? What do you sense it needs? Now be aware of your emotion/feeling self. What feelings are there? Be with your mental body now, how is the quality of your thinking? Then take your awareness to your spiritual self. Can you sense that higher, more refined part of you? What does your spirit need?
I've discovered I need some pause, reflection, integration and down time. It is so easy for us to run with what the mind thinks is the most important thing to do or think. Our body, emotions and spirit have intelligence too that is easy to miss. When I prioritise an inner check in I can connect with this wisdom.
So, mind, I will give you a time limit for thinky, worky kind of stuff and then you can enjoy a book in the hammock. Body, you can deeply relax and emotions you can feel all you want because my mind wont be in charge. I feel happiness rising already!
wishing you connection to all of yourself
I was listening to a podcast yesterday, the host was discussing the reason she was making it her last show. The regular gig of continually recording batches of episodes was feeling like an effort that was deenergising her. Despite loving her work she wasn't feeling in alignment with this particular aspect of it anymore.
It got me thinking about what it takes to stay in alignment with one's self, especially when we are running our own businesses. It's certainly easy to do 'shoulds', based on the norm or what others are doing.
Staying true to our self can be a challenge, especially when we have instant access to those that we think are more successful than us. Comparisonitis only makes us feel bad for not being or doing more. It has nothing to do with alignment.
I am good at being productive and getting the task done, I can easily push myself through difficult jobs and keep going. In fact, in the past I've been surprised to find myself burnt out a few times. Months of physical, emotional, mental and spiritual recovery is an interesting learning experience. Now that I know all about that I'd much rather do alignment than burn out. It would save money, time, adrenal fatigue, numerous emotions and mental processing. Maybe you resonate?
Here's some handy symptoms to help you know where you're at.
You're Out of Alignment if :
Feeling tired or drained.
Blaming or judging (It's an unhealthy way of getting power)
You're stuck in habits that don't serve you.
You're over analysing.
You're pushing yourself to do more.
You're feeling frustrated.
You're in Alignment when:
You feel on purpose.
You're able to hear your intuition.
You feel happy and sometimes even joyful.
You have a sense of being grounded in your body.
You enjoy what you're doing.
There is ease and flow.
You are not attached to outcomes.
You feel appreciation.
When we're in the process of coming into alignment the first thing we need to do is connect to our body. It's from this grounded place that we know what our needs are. Rest, food or care of some sort is hard to know when we're disconnected due to too much doing or thinking.
It's from a body centred place that we're able to hear our inner knowing. When we're over thinking there's no room for the quiet voice of intuition. This wise inner counsel will guide us to our next steps.
We may feel sad when we realise we've been out of alignment for too long. Recovery catch up is needed, some chill time where our mind is free to relax. Play, rest, nature, movement and care will help us realign to self.
There really is no rush. Flow and ease comes from our natural aligned state. Look out for signs of being out of alignment and kindly come back to yourself.
It's a beautiful way to live.
wishing you alignment
Image by Becca Tapert
I’m currently in transition from the natural world to the modern world. This is due to returning home from 4 days in a magical healing place, The Bach.
In the 1950s my uncles built this bach near Taupo Point, Wainui in Golden Bay. When the land was claimed by The Abel Tasman National Park they were given a lifetime ownership, meaning when they died the bach would need to be dismantled. We are blessed that Uncle Jack, now the sole owner at 92 is still a vibrant, active man.
I have been staying at this special place since I was a kid. It’s a 30 min walk in at low tide with a full backpack. All our food comes too as getting back out isn’t easy. (At high tide leaving would involve going over a goat track on a steep hill and doing some swimming.) There’s some careful rock climbing to do which isn’t too hard if the tide is out and it’s not windy. (Although I have fallen twice which does hurt on those sharp rocks.)
It’s a triumphant feeling to arrive and get that backpack off. We’ve made it! We make our beds up, unpack our food then wheel the trolley down to the waterfall to fill our container. I hang up my hammock, boil the kettle and chase the weka out of the bach.
Day 1 is usually a somewhat challenging transition. The bach has holes, a long drop toilet and sometimes rats as well as no power. (There are gas bottles) The comforts of home we take for granted are suddenly missed. On this trip we left our boys allergy eye drops in the car so off we went back to the carpark only just making it back around the rocks before the tide was too high.
I had an angry, crying meltdown when I learnt my reading glasses were left in the car on trip 2. “How can I do Anything??!” My dear partner went over the hill for a 2nd walk out and a 3rd walk in.
These challenges are actually secret trials to bring emotion to the surface, for greater self-discovery and healing. I learnt I was way more wound up than I thought I was. I’d been multi-tasking to the max in full future focused work mode the days leading up to the trip. My outburst was a release of pent up stress. My partner was able to process some issues of his own on his hour solo walk. The magic was beginning. My dear boy then realised he’d left his book at home (a bach nightmare) He was able to do his processing around this new found ‘lack of’. Luckily my sister was dropping in the next day and could do a delivery.
When we sat down for a Thai red curry chicken on the beach later that day we all breathed out, unwinding was starting to happen. The unfolding days were spent doing yoga on the beach, collecting shells, playing Yahtzee on the lawn, looking for stingray, finding crabs and starfish, playing Frisbee and reading in the hammock. We kayaked, drew pictures and cooked up yummy food. At night we played Yahtzee by candle light and cosied in bed with our books. Our modern life was now 2nd best, our simple bach life was nurturing, healing and just perfect. We didn’t want to go home.
And now we are home. There were lights, cats that had missed us, hot water (which we loved) internet and too many rooms. I found it all quite intense. I couldn’t hear the waves crashing at night. I cried for the simple life. Day 1 at home was 130 emails, 4 loads of washing, food gathering and multiple adjustments at the chiropractor (how symbolic!) I couldn’t focus with so many things demanding my attention. I felt frustrated and tired. I realised this is my ‘normal’ life. I was craving to lie on the beach again with my book, so I gave up trying to do so much, sat in the sun and looked at my photos which helped. That night we lit a candle and played Yahtzee which helped too.
Today I have prayed for support to not over fill my life, to not get caught up in the pressures of modern life and to remember there is a beautiful natural world outside my door. I pray to not rush, to breathe more and to enjoy the simple things. I know this natural way is easier at the bach and I know, with practise and mindfulness, I can bring that vibe home, at least more often than I had been.
Wishing you many natural simple joys,
The peace of being alone calls me often. I am a mother to a 12 yo boy who is life learning (meaning no school), I have a partner who loves being home, I see clients, I teach and I work on social media. I go to the supermarket too many times, run car loads of boys to random places and lately I've been visiting the panel beater regularly (for weeks) chasing up an insurance claim. I seem to always be talking to receptionists and telephone 'support' people. My numerous healers are also in the mix. After a friendly catch up my hairdresser knows the drill, Dawn needs some quiet time.
I guess your life is similar. When do we get to be alone? Like really alone, the no checking the phone and making calls kind of alone. Taking time to be with yourself with no one else to engage with can be a powerful healing experience.
Being alone brings you freedom to drop your social persona. There's no one to judge you, no one to impress and no one to aspire to. You can think for yourself without being swayed by others opinions, you can reflect, dream, breathe and come back to yourself.
It's been proven that being alone allows you to develop greater empathy for others, increase your productivity, spark creativity, improve concentration, make plans for your life, increase your happiness and reduce stress and depression. Children also need this powerful healing time.
Alone time is necessary for total wellbeing. I remember hearing once from a wise teacher that everyone needs at least an hour alone every day. How about fitting some solo time into your days and weeks, even if you need to schedule it. Getting up earlier, leaving social media turned off, avoiding email and phone calls sometimes and scheduling time just for you will bring you more of all that good stuff.
You'll reset your system and feel happier. Every time I prioritise this I see immediate benefits. Make time for to hang out with the most important person you know - you.
wishing you peaceful you time
Photo by Frank McKenna
Are there rumblings of change in your world? Do you sense a new life subtlety (or loudly!) calling you? Are you listening or are you using distractions to maintain the way you're used to it being? After all, change will have us humans confronted with an unknown future and our egos sure don't like uncertainty.
We can use staying busy, working, doing shoulds (there's a few of mine for starters!) and all number of things to deny our inner knowing calling us forward. We eat, care take others and keep looking backwards rather than allowing ourselves to step into a new way of being internally and externally.
Being in unfamiliar territory means relinquishing control of the future. As humans surrender is not something that comes easily. It takes some life experience to know that resisting and ignoring change takes us on a bumpy path that may be filled with pain, emotional discomfort, blah feelings, a tiredness of life, clashes and bangs and feelings of disconnection.
I sense a collective energy that is drawing us to come forward out of all that no longer serves us.
Will you give yourself some still moments to hear what your inner voice is drawing you towards?
What do you need to release that no longer serves you?
Would you consider surrender, trust and faith?
To be in those three big energies you need to know there is a greater force at play. You have a spirit in this human body that is part of All That Is or Universal Intelligence. When you truly know that letting yourself go forward into the unknown becomes easier.
When you run your life from ego you think everything is up to you, that you are in control and you need certainty. Nothing in life is certain. Chaos will happen, it's all part of growing and evolving.
Listen to the call of change and allow yourself to let go of the past, you are being called to bring new aspects of yourself forward, to evolve! And that is a wonderful thing. Your spirit is wise and will not let you down. The Universe has your back.
wishing you courage and bravery
Photo by Ye Fung Tchen
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(c) Dawn Grace Kelly 2021 All rights reserved