Knowing what we are feeling has the power to change our lives in wonderful ways. When we can stay present with an emotion by breathing into it a number of things can occur:
1. It has an opportunity to move. Emotion is energy that is too often trapped in our bodies because of our lack of experience in knowing and trusting that expressing emotion in a safe way is healing. When it is stuck in our body it creates density where life-force energy doesn’t flow. Over time this creates minor and major physical issues within our body. It can also bring about depression (an over-thinking dis-ease) blame, being addictive, judging others, self-harm and anxiety.
2. We may get images or impressions of a past event where that emotion originated. This shows us what we have not yet made peace with. I see this as precious information that allows us to know more about ourselves, as well as human nature. It can be an in road into a healing journey.
3. The emotion we are feeling may dissolve as it moves, allowing us to access a ‘hidden’ emotion – that which is underneath the surface feeling. For instance – I know that when I sit with my anger it can quickly shift as I access the more vulnerable feeling of sadness.
4. The emotion will often dissolve completely as we stay with it.
5. We connect with our authentic self.
It sounds simple to stay still and breathe into an emotion yet it’s not what the majority of people are doing. It’s much more common to stay with our thoughts rather than feel our feelings. Generally speaking, this is what we were taught to do. Our intellect was praised and our emotions were frowned upon. When I ask someone how they’re feeling I usually hear what they’re thinking – even with supposed self-aware people. I too can struggle to know what I’m feeling.
Even without taking the time to be present and breathe into our emotions we can be with simply knowing what we feel. This, in itself, can often settle us down into our body – away from our busy mind. From a place of knowing what we are feeling we can then make choices about how we care for ourselves. When we access our internal mother, we are practising self-love – a highly healing act.
Take the time to stop thinking so much and breathe into where you notice uncomfortable feelings – they are often your emotions wanting to be released. See if you cane name them. Be present and notice what happens.
Wishing you emotional intelligence.
Image by Sharon McCutcheon
Been triggered lately? It’s a word that I’m hearing often – it’s being used to mean bothered, yet what it really means, in the psychological sense, is to have old traumas activated. It's happening to us all. I had a triggering experience that knocked me around for the best part of 2 days just recently. It's a very old sticky wound that has some deeply embedded fear attached to it. It requires a lot of presence as well as some gentle loving behaviour towards myself.
We usually believe being ‘stirred up’ is all about what’s happening in front of us. We don’t know that we’re overreacting (a classic sign of an old wound being touched). We might be left feeling anxious, upset, angry, guilty or shamed. Our thoughts might become judgmental and blamey – about the other or about ourselves.
If we’re brave enough to bring our attention back to our body and stay with what we are feeling we can notice what is below feelings like anger or anxiety. It is likely there is some deep sadness below the surface. This is old emotion that hasn’t been felt – trapped emotional energy that wants to release. If you allow yourself to feel it without judging yourself or someone else, you will be able to let go of heavy energy in your body – energy that may have been manifesting as long term, chronic pain. This is the benefit of being triggered. You have met a soulmate – someone who you have a spiritual contract with in order to help you grow and heal. You can thank them later for showing you more about yourself.
If you’re not aware of needing to be mindful (acting on an old default setting) being triggered can mean these sort of things happen:
If you are being conscious this is what could happen:
Reparenting ourselves means we need better boundaries and a good connection to what we need at a given time.
I wish you conscious awareness and self-compassion when you are triggered.
Image by Mikhail Vasilyev
Some years back I became a fan of vulnerable. I'd previously not known this elusive feeling. I avoided it at all costs. I hid this natural human state behind anger, defensiveness, confidence, aloofness, ambition, drugs, alcohol and the list went on.
This was not a conscious choice. I was far removed from the authentic reality of vulnerability. My pain and hurts, I thought, were well hidden. As the years of self and spiritual development have evolved I have come to know the importance of embracing all of who I am. That includes the 'ugly' parts.
I thought vulnerability meant weakness, neediness and exposing one's most personal stuff. If I was vulnerable I could be hurt. Again. If I was still a child, or a young person with poor boundaries that would be true. In fact, even as a somewhat emotionally healthy adult there will be betrayals and the ensuing hurt. Where there is love there is also hurt. Being honest with that pain is being vulnerable.
Current popular thought on vulnerability is that it means to share our feelings and experiences with people we trust. People who are able to truly listen.
When we replace distance with the uncertainty and emotional exposure of vulnerability there is a possibility of getting hurt yet as we heal our wounded inner child we are able to be more discerning around such sharing. It doesn't have to mean leaving one's self open to being hurt like it may have once upon a time. With healthy boundaries and trusting our inner knowing we know who it is safe to share our most intimate self with.
When we are brave and courageous to allow our vulnerable self to come forward we -
Deepen our relationships.
Drop our defences.
Feel deeply connected to another.
Open our heart.
Show others our humanness giving them permission to do the same.
Access new levels of freedom.
Today I know vulnerability to be a beautiful and powerful place to spend some time. As I've matured I have come to understand and befriend this often elusive feeling. When I allow my vulnerable self to come forward in safe places I feel connected and authentic. I am aware of the genuine power that I can access as I honestly share my deepest truths. I can feel Real Love. I am also aware of how it affects those around me. We all become softer and more loving.
Vulnerability is your friend if you have the courage to meet it.
wishing you safety for your vulnerable self to be seen.
The dis-ease of blame is rampant in our world. It starts wars and it ends marriages. We're angry with strangers and we yell at our children. Even within our spiritual, self-aware communities blame is often a regular act. I'm a culprit myself.
It's easy to run mindlessly with a mental habit than to do the harder work of discovering what's really going on for one's self. When I'm feeling anxious is a classic time for me to blame. It's an unconscious attempt to get some kind of control. I'd like to see more general awareness around this damaging and destructive force as well as greater personal mindfulness for us all. If we all stopped blaming there would be a huge collective out breath of relief.
In it's less destructive form it's tiring for both parties and brings tension to our minds and bodies. Emotionally it can trigger the wounded inner child who had someone else's rubbish dumped on her. At it's worst it leads us on a downward spiral that can end in abuse, addictions and depression.
Here's 5 truths about blame.
1. It's an outward expression of your own bad feeling and pain.
2. It will make others feel bad. They're left with your dense energy all over them. It can make them defensive too, that means an argument has probably begun.
3. Blame is an ego defense to protect our wounded self, a self that is vulnerable and scared.
4. When we blame another we are inadvertently saying we cannot or will not see clearly.
5. To blame means to not take responsibility for yourself.
Be mindful of your behaviour and your words. Pause, breathe and notice what's happening for you before you mindlessly blame. Choose not to give energy to hurting your self and others with this destructive energy. It will change your life in all the best ways.
wishing you a mindful week
Photo by Bohdan Komarivskyi on Unsplash
Our lives have many losses to grieve. I recently attended a sudden family funeral. My mind is very much on grieving. It's a feeling I am familiar. I've had many losses.
We might think of the grieving process as being about losing someone close to us, yet as well as that pain we also have many feelings to process around losing other things that we may not be aware we grieve.
Grief is a valid process when we let go of a dream, leave a home or country we love, a relationship we craved that never happened or the baby we didn't have.
I see many people holding deeply buried sadness and anger they are unaware of.
Being with our feelings takes presence, awareness and courage. These feelings are simply energy wanting to move. When we hold them in our body we use precious life force energy to contain them. It is tiring. It can bring physical pain if left too long. It can also eat away at our cellular tissue.
Addictions are things we use to avoid being with distressing feelings. Before you get your comfort food or find another job to do or another thing you must think about (Being busy and over thinking are addictions too) pause and breathe. What's happening in my body? How am I feeling? Breathe to the discomfort. This simple act allows feelings to begin moving. Resist your mind chatter. Get support if you need to.
Grief is about acknowledgment, acceptance, allowing and surrendering to the process. Slow down and allow the feelings to flow. If you do these things you will move forward graciously.
Feeling your sadness and processing your losses brings freedom from pain and distress. A happier and healthier you is the outcome.
wishing you support to feel
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(c) Dawn Grace Kelly 2021 All rights reserved