Some years back I became a fan of vulnerable. I'd previously not known this elusive feeling. I avoided it at all costs. I hid this natural human state behind anger, defensiveness, confidence, aloofness, ambition, drugs, alcohol and the list went on.
This was not a conscious choice. I was far removed from the authentic reality of vulnerability. My pain and hurts, I thought, were well hidden. As the years of self and spiritual development have evolved I have come to know the importance of embracing all of who I am. That includes the 'ugly' parts.
I thought vulnerability meant weakness, neediness and exposing one's most personal stuff. If I was vulnerable I could be hurt. Again. If I was still a child, or a young person with poor boundaries that would be true. In fact, even as a somewhat emotionally healthy adult there will be betrayals and the ensuing hurt. Where there is love there is also hurt. Being honest with that pain is being vulnerable.
Current popular thought on vulnerability is that it means to share our feelings and experiences with people we trust. People who are able to truly listen.
When we replace distance with the uncertainty and emotional exposure of vulnerability there is a possibility of getting hurt yet as we heal our wounded inner child we are able to be more discerning around such sharing. It doesn't have to mean leaving one's self open to being hurt like it may have once upon a time. With healthy boundaries and trusting our inner knowing we know who it is safe to share our most intimate self with.
When we are brave and courageous to allow our vulnerable self to come forward we -
Deepen our relationships.
Drop our defences.
Feel deeply connected to another.
Open our heart.
Show others our humanness giving them permission to do the same.
Access new levels of freedom.
Today I know vulnerability to be a beautiful and powerful place to spend some time. As I've matured I have come to understand and befriend this often elusive feeling. When I allow my vulnerable self to come forward in safe places I feel connected and authentic. I am aware of the genuine power that I can access as I honestly share my deepest truths. I can feel Real Love. I am also aware of how it affects those around me. We all become softer and more loving.
Vulnerability is your friend if you have the courage to meet it.
wishing you safety for your vulnerable self to be seen.
The dis-ease of blame is rampant in our world. It starts wars and it ends marriages. We're angry with strangers and we yell at our children. Even within our spiritual, self aware communities blame is often a regular act. I'm a culprit.
It's easy to run mindlessly with a habit than to do the harder work of knowing what's really going on for one's self. When I'm feeling anxious is a classic time for me to blame. It's an unconscious attempt to get some kind of control.
I'd like to see more general awareness around this damaging and destructive force as well as greater personal mindfulness for us all. If we all stopped blaming there would be a huge collective out breath of relief.
In it's less destructive form it's tiring for both parties and brings tension to our minds and bodies. Emotionally it can trigger the wounded inner child who had someone else's rubbish dumped on her. At it's worst it leads us on a downward spiral that can end in abuse, addictions and depression.
Here's 5 truths about blame.
1. It's an outward expression of your own bad feeling and pain.
2. It will make others feel bad.
They're left with your bad energy all over them. It can make them defensive too, that means an argument has probably begun.
3. Blame is an ego defence to protect our wounded self, a self that is vulnerable and scared.
4. When we blame another we are inadvertently saying we cannot or will not see clearly.
5. To blame means to not take responsibility for your self.
Be mindful of your behaviour and your words. Pause, breathe and notice what's happening for you before you mindlessly blame. Choose not to give energy to hurting your self and others with this destructive energy. It will change your life in all the best ways.
wishing you a mindful week
Our lives have many losses to grieve. I recently attended a sudden family funeral. My mind is very much on grieving. It's a feeling I am familiar. I've had many losses.
We might think of the grieving process as being about losing someone close to us, yet as well as that pain we also have many feelings to process around losing other things that we may not be aware we grieve.
Grief is a valid process when we let go of a dream, leave a home or country we love, a relationship we craved that never happened or the baby we didn't have.
I see many people holding deeply buried sadness and anger they are unaware of.
Being with our feelings takes presence, awareness and courage. These feelings are simply energy wanting to move. When we hold them in our body we use precious life force energy to contain them. It is tiring. It can bring physical pain if left too long. It can also eat away at our cellular tissue.
Addictions are things we use to avoid being with distressing feelings. Before you get your comfort food or find another job to do or another thing you must think about (Being busy and over thinking are addictions too) pause and breathe. What's happening in my body? How am I feeling? Breathe to the discomfort. This simple act allows feelings to begin moving. Resist your mind chatter. Get support if you need to.
Grief is about acknowledgment, acceptance, allowing and surrendering to the process. Slow down and allow the feelings to flow. If you do these things you will move forward graciously.
Feeling your sadness and processing your losses brings freedom from pain and distress. A happier and healthier you is the outcome.
wishing you support to feel