I am a recovering Good Girl. When I was young I learnt to be quiet when I was told to be, I did all my jobs, I got excellent grades, I didn’t complain, I didn’t get angry and I didn’t break the rules (although I did go on to break a lot of rules – with a lot of attitude – in my developing quest for autonomy.)

That way of operating rolled into my adult years. I was a good girlfriend, a good worker and a good friend. I kept making top grades in my further studies and I strived to do everything ‘right’. It was coupled with rebellion, meaning life did become somewhat polarised. I was playing 2 sides of extremes. Drugs and alcohol were a welcome relaxing relief from the pressures I put on myself to be ‘good’.

I was great at doing everything for everyone. I thrived on the approval of others. It can be an addictive kind of thing when one doesn’t do self-approval.

Over the years my game began to unravel. I pushed addiction, only to realise some damaging repercussions – physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I also experienced burnout a number of times from constant focus outside of myself whilst I did ‘allthethings’.  

Here are what I believe the dangers of being a Good Girl are:

• Resentment builds when you’re doing everything for everyone else. That can lead to complaining, blaming and arguing.

• Others approval becomes more important than self-approval. That means our core belief that ‘I’m not good enough’ gets ignored rather than confronted and explored.

• You abdicate your own needs to please others. It’s not uncommon to have no idea what your needs even are when you’re a Good Girl. In fact, we can expect others to meet our needs for us. That’s not healthy.

• You get tired, often the big kind of tired – exhaustion.

• Dis-ease results due to lack of connection to self, repressing our emotions and ignoring our needs. That can be physical, emotional or mental. It can even be spiritual dis-ease.

How do we break this pattern? It requires some exploration of where this habit/addiction originated. It may need some inner child work, some acceptance of your challenging history, some reparenting, learning about boundaries and some genuine self-love and care. For now, what is resonating?  What might you do to change these patterns?

Wishing you self-love – the kind that sits in your cells.
​
 
With light
Dawn


Photo by Caroline Hernandez on Unsplash

Here’s a sex reminder – it’s good for you.

I’m sure you have your own list of why that is – or even a list of why it isn’t, which I would totally empathise with – sex wasn’t always good for me either.
I’ll tell you why it wasn’t, then I’ll tell why it is.

I’ve had a colourful sex life that began way too young. I might share more about that another time – for the purpose of healing, as always. And in this case, I’m imagining, some bonus entertainment.

Sex wasn’t always good for me in the past for these reasons:

• I used it as a way to avoid painful feelings – the high of sexual conquest gave me some pseudo power and the illusion I was a sex goddess (which I may well be anyway – insert a serious face emoji and a crying with laughter one.) This high was always short-lived so I needed other ‘fixes’ to keep that pain down. Enter alcohol, drugs, eating, work and shopping – all things that brought other concerning issues.

 

• I had sex confused with love which resulted in many despairing scenarios.

 

•  I didn’t know how to say no without feeling distraught at upsetting someone else, or losing what I thought was love (it was really attention, or energy – same thing) so I allowed myself to be hurt during sex. Hurt emotionally, mentally and physically. Probably spiritually too, as that sort of behaviour is soul destroying.

 

•  I was overly focussed on others pleasure thereby missing out on learning more about how my own body was feeling – this equates to being ungrounded.I was not conscious of any of that however, so I thought sex was good (and a lot of the time it actually was fun, experimental and adventurous despite being heavily laced with the above points)

​
Now that I am decades older with years of therapeutic and self-healing under my belt (yep, extensive healing in those lower 3 chakras) as well as being in a long-term committed partnership I am pleased to say I have come a very long way from those days that began in my teens and waned through my thirties.

Here’s why sex (the conscious kind) is good for you:

• It is healing. Sex can, and does, trigger old sexual wounds (think physical, emotional or mental) stored in our body tissue. If you feel safe to be psychologically vulnerable (I really hope you do) and you stay present, you can release long-stored sexual grief, sadness, anger and shame – by feeling the emotion. It’s ok for some sex to be the crying kind.

 

• You get to play and have fun, that’s if you’re in the mood for that flavour of sex (there are many varieties of sexual ‘moods’ that are worth honouring).

 

• Loving touch creates feelings of safety and trust.

 

• Feel good endorphins as well as the ‘love hormone’ oxytocin are released – this means warm fuzzys afterwards that make you feel deliciously connected to your partner.

 

• You get to enjoy the buzzy high from the dopamine that floods your brain during orgasm. A bit of euphoria can be a spiritual experience.

 

• You get connected with your body. We spend so much time in our busy minds. Sex will ground you.

 

• Health benefits! Think lowered blood pressure, headache relief, boosts to your immune system, pain decreasing, heart attack risk being lowered, sleep improving and your stress being relieved.

I know in a busy life there doesn’t always seem to be the time for all sorts of things that are good for us. I think we must prioritise sex. It’s a human need that is good for us in so many wonderful ways. Go forth and have fun! Or lots of tears, or something else that feels just right in a sexual kind of way.

Ps. You don’t even need a partner to receive a lot of these benefits. Just be loving, kind and connected to yourself and stay with any psychological issues that come forward for healing (it’s common to have wounds around self-pleasure.)

Wishing you luscious love

with light
Dawn
 
Photo by Vidar Nordli-Mathisen on Unsplash
 
 
 
 
 
 

 
Allowing myself deep rest is a classic 'work in progress'. I have a tendency to move from doing things for others to work, jobs, exercise and round again. When I can convince myself I need me time I often find a shoulds list attached. This is an epidemic issue, especially for women.
 
I was discussing this topic with a wise psychologist recently. My need for rest was high yet my list of work jobs was pressuring my thinking mind. I have a bossy, strong ego around doing. She told me restoration means to restore a connection to one's self. I like that. It's something we habitually avoid. My conditioning is all about staying productive. It's an easy way to get attention and energy. And seeking that from outside one's self is not only unhealthy, it's tiring and unfulfilling.  
 
I know that a balanced authentic life means greater health on every level so I am keen to make deep rest a priority. I love my weekly restorative yoga class. I probably need 7 of them though. Rest must happen regularly.
 
Here's some benefits of rest:

• Rest reduces the risk of heart disease and inflammation. If you sit for your work note this fact – Each one hour increase in sitting time associates with an 18% increased cardiovascular disease mortality risk. Ok, I am now standing at my laptop!

 

• Keeping the pace up without adequate rest depresses your immune system.

 

• This one is a quick fix – your mental energy will be restored. Your aha moments will just appear. Clarity is a super bonus of rest time.

 

• This gem I found might excite you creative types. My ego mind can actually get on board with this fact: " ...reflective time is critical to producing solutions and creative breakthroughs."

 

• Studies have shown that working more hours actually means less productivity as well as reducing your ability to focus.

 

• Your short term memory will improve.

 

• You will process change more effectively.

 
Schedule your rest time if that works for you. Try telling yourself it's ok to not have any demands on your time. No need to rush, no shoulds. Give yourself permission. You may be drawn to do but it will have a calmer, easier quality.
 
wishing you deep rest
 
with light
Dawn

Image by Amy Treasure

I recently woke up feeling blah. The day before I'd had my weekly coconut milk decaf latte and GF, DF, refined sugar-free muffin for breakfast. At lunch I had refined carbs. Later on I sipped a glass of wine while I cooked our dinner.
 
It doesn't sound too bad, yet being a sensitive type, it was. The coconut sugar in the muffin and the slight caffeine in the decaf had me ungrounded and angsty for a few hours. The lunch carbs had me tired in the afternoon and the glass of sav had me awake in the night a few times with a pale fog in the morning to top it off.
 
That whole day I was somewhat ahead of myself. It's one of those sayings that really means ungrounded, i.e., I wasn't fully present in my body. When that happens I'm not in touch with my feelings, needs or inner knowing. My actions and reactions are not from a solid, authentic place. They come from habit, conditioning and often with a fear mentality.
 
As you can imagine that meant numerous unhelpful outcomes. For me it looked like busyness when I needed rest, blame as I avoided my feelings, work when I needed play and looking for things outside of myself to help me feel better.
 
It felt like I was a long way from authentic presence. It doesn't make for a high vibe me either! Here's two helpful questions to ponder or journal.
 
What expands me?
 
What contracts me?
 
Knowing the answers to these questions AND making choices that are pro expansion will support you to feel bigger, wiser, more intuitive, happier and, you'll have more energy too.
 
 
Wishing you expansion!
 
with light
Dawn

Photo by Ana J on Pixabay

When I awaken my dreams are elusively fading. I quickly catch them in my journal before I'm fully conscious. Rising oceans, out of control cars and too many kittens all tell me what I'm processing on a deeper level.
 
In dreams the people, animals and objects are all aspects of self. The water that is rising symbolises emotion surfacing within us, cars represent how we move through our life and kittens can be vulnerable aspects of one's self that need care.
 
In life and in sleep we see ourselves reflected in all things. Being aware from this perspective can fast track our self development. The things we dislike or admire in another are aspects of our self, whether we are conscious of that or not. When I judge someone else I'm really judging myself. This is one way of accessing our disowned light and shadow aspects.
 
Victims used to really annoy me, they were the people that frustrated me the most. When I took responsibility for this projection and made peace with my own inner victim (which was a challenging journey around facing shame) I was less bothered by others victim vibe. It happens with positive qualities too, we admire people who have traits we wish to bring forward in ourselves.
 
One of the reasons I am fascinated with Tarot is that it's a perfect mirror for us to see less conscious aspects of self in the various symbols, archetypes and images. It's been a powerful tool for me to understand myself in new ways. Try it for yourself!
 
Whether it's via dreams, projections in the outside world or Tarot when the unconscious becomes conscious we know ourselves better. This discovery helps us integrate the light and the shadow parts that we have buried.
 
Greater integration means a more balanced, happier, successful and authentic life.
 
 
wishing you awareness of your projections
 
with light
Dawn
 
 
Note - It's helpful having a good symbol/dream dictionary to learn more about they relate to your life. I use Tony Crisp's, see more about that here.