I've always known I easily, successfully and efficiently get things done. In fact, I have prided myself on my ability to achieve and tick things off my always large list. (I am one of those list loving Virgo types.)
I've also noticed I like to show off about it to my partner who shows no signs of being as equally thrilled at my ability to do and do as I am. No good girl comes my way and I notice my deflated ego. I can also seek sympathy for how hard I am working, when it doesn't come I can get frustrated and blamey at his lack of understanding. That's a sure sign something is amiss. Blame is all about not taking responsibility.
It's been helpful to recently learn that I connect to external tasks rather than to myself. This, I believe, is an epidemic problem.
Our history often teaches us to please others over ourselves. (Remember the old fashioned "Don't be selfish" ?) This may be in the form of care taking others when we were too young to be doing so or learning that to get attention we must achieve. This inadvertently teaches us not to honour ourselves. Our esteem gets tied up in caring for others and external jobs as the most important things to be doing. We miss our intuition, internal cues and knowing as we focus out rather than in.
I was reminded of this in my Restorative Yoga class yesterday as my teacher puts more attention on invitation and self enquiry rather than telling us what to do. Yoga can often be about achievement too.
Of course we still want to care for others and get stuff done. How do we continue that without losing our Self? I like to bring my awareness in often to check in with how my body, emotions, thoughts and spirit are doing.
In this moment I notice my body has a need to stand at my desk rather than sit.
I notice feelings of wellbeing at writing. (the positive noticings are worth noting too)
I notice thoughts of concern that I'll be interrupted soon. (Do I need to assert some better boundaries around my work time?)
And my spiritual self is requiring a candle and incense to keep the vibe high.
These are all things I could easily have missed as I race through my To do list.
Are you important to yourself might be a question you want to ask.
How do you know you're important? What does it mean to be important?
How will you listen and act on what you need?
Photo by Nikita Kachanovsky on Unsplash
Wondering what the right decision to make is?
You might have been told, "Just trust your intuition." So you sit still and listen. No answers come and you still don't know. Now you're worrying that your inner knowing is not accessible or you're way too ungrounded to get to this place of infinite wisdom. Then you're growling at yourself for not having it more together. You're over it, not knowing what to do is tiring you, you want certainty and you want it now! So you power forward by thinking you're taking control of wishy washy you, and Bang. Decision has happened. No more feeling bad about not knowing, but, was it the right choice for you?
Here's some info I think is super helpful -
Trusting our intuition isn't an instant guarantee for the right answer about what choice to make. Our egocentric human need for certainty can tromp all over a quiet inner feeling that we need to pause, reflect or gather more information.
Brene Brown has told me (not over a cuppa but through her book The Gifts of Imperfection) that "When we just want to get the decision making over with it's a good idea to ask ourselves whether we simply cant stand the vulnerability of being still long enough to think it through and make a mindful decision."
Our intuition isn't always about getting internal answers, it can be telling us we don't know enough to be able to do that. Here's the definition Brene came up with about intuition after her research.
"Intuition is not a single way of knowing - it's our ability to hold space for uncertainty and our willingness to trust the many ways we've developed knowledge and insight, including instinct, experience, faith and reason."
Fear of not knowing can sabotage that quiet inner voice. It can have us asking others for their opinions. Brene says she has now noticed when she starts "polling people" about what they think that it's a red flag that she's feeling vulnerable about making a decision and is disconnected from her inner voice. It can also disempower us as some people feel a need to take control when we do this.
Listen carefully to yourself, sometimes the message from deep within is not to do anything just yet, to have no answer. Gather the information you need, trust Divine timing, allow some time for silence and practise being ok with not knowing, at least for now. Have faith, it's a big call and it feels way stronger than fear.
Photo by Julia Caesar on Unsplash