I believe forgiving our self is more challenging than forgiving another. Our wounds have us believing we are flawed and sometimes even down right bad. These thoughts are usually buried deeply. They drive our attitudes and behaviours.
A lack of self forgiveness leads to addiction, depression and self harm as well as projecting our self loathing onto others. Judgement, blame and shutting people out are common by products.
Without gracious, loving acceptance of who we were and what we did in the past we cannot accept ourselves fully today. This hinders our ability to love ourselves which means we wont be able to fully love another. It also prevents us from truly healing.
Why can you not forgive yourself? Is it because you know you did a "bad thing"? Or maybe you believe you are bad? Were you told there was something wrong with you or that God will punish you for particular actions? When we are taught God is judgemental we are being 'feared' into supposed right action. This will create beliefs tied up in 'there's something wrong with me.' Consider the idea that God is not a separate entity judging you, that this Divine Energy is within us all.
Children are naturally curious, they experiment. This is how they learn. Some of your behaviours may have pushed buttons in your parents and caregivers. When they communicate their anger or disappointment to you in a shaming way that's their stuff. As kids we are not aware of this. Our parents are our Gods. When we are told there is something wrong with us we believe them. We internalise these critical and belittling words. They become embedded in our psyches and lead to resentment of our very selves. We then become our own harshest and most judgemental critics.
You may not know that a lack of self forgiveness is affecting your life. Becoming aware of this will come to you in it's right time. If what I'm sharing is of particular interest right now then the time is right for you to explore and consider self forgiveness.
It's a beautiful practise that is magically liberating. It has the power to make you a more loving and lovable person.
wishing you kindness to your self
Some years back I became a fan of vulnerable. I'd previously not known this elusive feeling. I avoided it at all costs. I hid this natural human state behind anger, defensiveness, confidence, aloofness, ambition, drugs, alcohol and the list went on.
This was not a conscious choice. I was far removed from the authentic reality of vulnerability. My pain and hurts, I thought, were well hidden. As the years of self and spiritual development have evolved I have come to know the importance of embracing all of who I am. That includes the 'ugly' parts.
I thought vulnerability meant weakness, neediness and exposing one's most personal stuff. If I was vulnerable I could be hurt. Again. If I was still a child, or a young person with poor boundaries that would be true. In fact, even as a somewhat emotionally healthy adult there will be betrayals and the ensuing hurt. Where there is love there is also hurt. Being honest with that pain is being vulnerable.
Current popular thought on vulnerability is that it means to share our feelings and experiences with people we trust. People who are able to truly listen.
When we replace distance with the uncertainty and emotional exposure of vulnerability there is a possibility of getting hurt yet as we heal our wounded inner child we are able to be more discerning around such sharing. It doesn't have to mean leaving one's self open to being hurt like it may have once upon a time. With healthy boundaries and trusting our inner knowing we know who it is safe to share our most intimate self with.
When we are brave and courageous to allow our vulnerable self to come forward we -
Deepen our relationships.
Drop our defences.
Feel deeply connected to another.
Open our heart.
Show others our humanness giving them permission to do the same.
Access new levels of freedom.
Today I know vulnerability to be a beautiful and powerful place to spend some time. As I've matured I have come to understand and befriend this often elusive feeling. When I allow my vulnerable self to come forward in safe places I feel connected and authentic. I am aware of the genuine power that I can access as I honestly share my deepest truths. I can feel Real Love. I am also aware of how it affects those around me. We all become softer and more loving.
Vulnerability is your friend if you have the courage to meet it.
wishing you safety for your vulnerable self to be seen.