I went crazy the other night. I was angry, blaming in a sweary loud kind of way, crying, victimy and ashamedly apologetic via letters because I felt too crazy to talk. It was all rather confusing and funny in hindsight. I have a compelling habit of trying to understand my emotions rather than feel them. This doesn't make for easy shifts. My deep feelings were trying to push past my intellect and I was resisting.
The sliver of Aware Self that knew I was avoiding my own pain finally sat me still to stop me externalising and let me just feel. I cried and cried without knowing why that was happening. I had a good rest and woke up to a day of recovery for myself which included long walks, deep, restoring yoga and lunch with a wise friend. A shift had happened once the resistance stopped. Insights arrived without any intellectual striving. The big kind of self change was underway.
This kind of craziness is a symptom of the eclipse season that we're currently in. Astrologically they bring the unexpected. Surprises, drama and shake ups occur. Their job is get us to pay attention to areas of our life that need to change. When we're not following our intuition our Higher Self will get us on track in a rapid eclipsy kind of way. It's like The Tower in Tarot, same kind of vibe.
Have you been going crazy too? Self compassion is the healer. Don't resist what wants to shift! Feel and feel without asking why then be your own best mother. If you've had random shake ups or shocks practise self kindness too. I had a car accident this week, I 've just learnt the insurance company have decided it's too much damage to justify fixing. It's an eclipse kind of event that will bring change in it's own way.
How does self compassion and caring for yourself look like to you? After my crazy attack being kind to myself looked like this - taking responsibility and apologising, wrapping myself in cosiness with a hotty and tea, putting myself to bed, getting into nature, a yogic breath practise and some prayer. After doing shock for a few days post car accident self care was letting myself cry and taking a day off work to reconnect to my body again.
Be kind. Don't try to push through. Relax. Feel. Know there's a Higher Purpose at play, you're being guided to evolve and that's exciting.
wishing you loving kindness while the big kind of change is in play
Photo by Marina Khrapov on Unsplash.