I recently experienced a new memory from a long ago incident. It was the sudden and shocking type of recollection that requires time to process. I spent the week thinking, feeling, regressing, trying to not to analyse, feeling some more and gradually integrating this once buried wound.
During that week I was teaching healers how to support their clients by working with the wounded inner child. How perfect for me! They too experienced new memories, and, like myself, they were too young to recall it all and had no witnesses. The few days that followed had me encountering 3 others that also realised a partial disturbing memory.
Healers have always been called to make peace with themselves and their history. With their wisdom, experience and maturity they can now go even deeper. It takes courage and divine timing to be ready for aspects of trauma to come forward in a way that isn't intellectual. Buried feelings like shame and terror need strong holding from a support person or one's own compassionate adult self. When we are stuck in a child like memory it can be scary and ungrounding.
If you too have been triggered somehow into a past memory know this is a good thing. Your system is wanting to heal. Our nerves and tissue hold trauma, our pain and tension is usually based in unexpressed emotions from long ago.
When your higher self knows you are ready to finally process something old then memories will come. When they arrive in a way where you are feeling it physically, emotionally and energetically it can be surprising and confusing, especially when you have no recollection of the event. Don't let your bossy mind try to analyse it, it will stop you feeling and prolong the healing. I know the wanting to understand it thing, it's an easy default. Thinking isn't healing though, it blocks emotions like anger, sadness and grief.
Have the courage to feel painful emotions and be patient. Despite what you think or are told you don't need to know the whole story, regardless of how much your mind wants to understand it. Having no witnesses for past trauma can be frustrating and perplexing, yet if you are meant to know more the images and information will be come in the right time. Trust what is happening on a non intellectual level. You ARE healing.
As we release the hold on old emotions and thought patterns that no longer serve us we become more authentic, and that means a happier, easier life.
Tips for this kind of experience -
Wishing you kindness
Photo by Yousef Espanioly
Last week I wrote about craziness. Now I'm feeling overfull, it's a kind of progression I guess. Awareness often happens in my Tuesday restorative yoga class as some of you will know. Yesterday when my teacher responded to my query "What is this pose doing?" with "Don't think about it, let it reveal itself" I noticed tears happening. I realised in that moment I had been in continual over think about EVERYTHING, well my world kind of everything at least. Her words felt like guidance from God. You know when simple messages really get in deep?
I'm an over thinker from way back. I was known to wake in the night wondering what I had forgotten to worry about. Thinking too much is really just another addiction, meaning another way we avoid feelings. Feeling emotions brings relief and healing. Simple. (Although we usually need to get comfortable with allowing our self to release big, old emotions without thinking about them.)
I left my yoga class with 'Don't think about it, let it reveal itself' moving gently around my system. I was realising how overfull my head was. I was thinking about Too. Many. Things. So I decided I needed a self imposed brain simplification.
The first thing that I was thinking too much about actually needed me to feel some grief rather than think. So I stayed with it, stopped thinking and cried. 'Revealing itself' would come, it was surrender time. The 2nd thing needed a few phone calls for more information, easy. Number 3 wasn't such a big deal, just taking too much of my time, so I handed that over to relevant parties. 4 needed action so I scheduled it into my diary. 5 needed cancelling. 6 just needed a decision so I made one. And 7 needed me to leave the 2nd lot of the days dishes, laundry and grocery shopping and make a cup of tea and read, challenging and perfect. Later that day I was drawn to find a non thinky comedy movie (not usually my thing) Laughing with my partner was fab over think tonic.
I'm now in a don't analyse, allow reveal kind of zone and I like it.
You might like my current brain simplification recipe -
1. Realise you are overfull. Know your signs. Look for rushing, blaming, inability to meditate, fast talk, body tension and meltdowns.
2. Delegate. Schedule or reschedule. Cancel. Say no. Put thoughts onto paper. Share with a good listener (who doesn't feel a need to fix.)
3. Care for your self. Let yourself feel. Do simple, peaceful grounding things. Thinky thinky usually means we're out of touch with our bodies needs so move, rest, hydrate. Tune in to your body
4. Do fun things. A full brain can be boring. Laughing is healing.
5. Beware of becoming overfull again.
wishing you a peaceful mind
Photo by Ashley Batz